One of the most important elements of the avadhuta path is learning to listen to, and live from our hearts. Our ‘heart’, in this case, is the part of us that constantly pushes and urges us towards both spiritual expansion and karmic fulfilment. However, living from the heart, in my own experience, often equates to living a life that seems to be like ‘walking on fire’.
There is no way that we can separate karmic fulfilment from spiritual expansion. There are some things in life that we simply must experience. It is not possible for 99.9% percent of us to just cancel whatever is present in our lives to go and sit in a cave and become liberated. The only beings that this is apparently possible for are those who have already fulfilled everything that needs to be fulfilled.
For example, the great disciple of Ramana Maharshi, Annamalai Swami, was often discouraged from going to meditate whilst he was staying in the ashram with Ramana. He was constantly pushed to do gruelling, manual building work around the ashram. During those twelve years or so, he barely had any rest whatsoever. However, one day, Ramana starting acting in a peculiar way around him. Whenever he would enter his room, Ramana would veil himself so that he couldn’t be seen. When Annamalai Swami questioned him as to why he was doing this, Ramana replied: ‘You are a mature sadhaka. It is not necessary for you to come here anymore. Stay in Palakottu and do your meditation there. Try to efface the notion that you are different from God.‘ After some years of staying in Palakottu, Annamalai Swami was able to, as he describes it, ‘relax into the self’.
It should be clear that such instances of withdrawing from the world and simply ‘relaxing into the self’ do not arise until karmic fulfilment has taken place. Therefore, instead of overlooking the process of karmic fulfilment and pretending that we are all at the level where we can just ‘relax into the self’, it is very important that we learn how to walk through life in a way that allows us to experience and fulfil whatever needs to be experienced, fulfilled and exhausted.
Another pertinent example that can be related to this is when Lord Dattatreya met King Ayu for the first time. Even though King Ayu was a very noble king, he still had one very strong desire left within him—to have a son. When Lord Dattatreya offered him a boon, and he requested a son, Lord Datta augured that having a son was a part of Ayu’s destined karmic fulfilment, which was something that needed to happen before he even gained the desire for complete liberation. Therefore, out of his great compassion, he granted him the boon.
Most of us, whether we like it or not, find ourselves in the same position as a young Annamalai Swami or a childless King Ayu—that is, we all still have things that need to be fulfilled in the world of action. However, within this world of action, we should base our actions on deep intuitive feelings and not on mental analysis. Like the great avadhuta, Mohanji, says, ‘If you want to know what the right thing to do is, then you should engage in the action that expands you instead of contracts you.’ Expansion always requires some degree of courage and bravery, whereas contraction is usually based on fear and the desire to avoid or escape from certain things in life.
We have to learn how to listen to the voice of our heart, which is the voice that always pushes us to expand, overcome fear and fulfil whatever needs to be fulfilled. One of the beautiful things about listening to our heart is that it is perfectly intelligent. It’s not like we have to sit down at our computers to try and work out all of the karmic deeds things that we must fulfil. The very intelligence of life that runs through us, and speaks through the voice of our heart, will itself put us into these situations time and time again until everything is fulfilled.
We must be aware though—it is not easy to listen to our hearts all the time. Many times, in my own life, I have set myself up in a certain life scenario, with its own elements of comfort and security, and then had the desire to tear it all to pieces and walk away.
At few times, I have faced tremendous inner turmoil when these massive changes of trajectory have transpired. On the one hand, the mind will find no problem with what I am doing. In fact, the mind will probably be able to put forth one hundred good reasons why I should stay put. The mind likes predictability, comfort-zones and what is already known and experienced. On the other hand, the heart has a will of its own, which often transcends the limited, pre-analysed plans that we have made for ourselves. In my own case, when the voice of the heart speaks, the longer it takes me to side with the heart, the more I become afflicted with an intolerable sense of inner tension and contraction. Sometimes, the pull of the heart has felt so strong to me that it literally moves my body into doing what needs to be done.
My experience of following my heart has not been easy. Actually, it has often felt like being viciously beaten and hammered into a state of total surrender. As this beating happens, all parts of us that are capable of resisting life, resisting change, resting what comes, resisting what goes, resisting destiny itself—all of these parts are gradually eroded away like the jagged stone of a cliff-face being eroded away after years of being pounded by waves.
Through this process, life is trying to bring us to a place where we are totally invulnerable to the changing moods of life, and thus, by extension, the changing moods of time itself. We are being taken to the state of the supreme—which is also known as Shiva, or Mahakaal: the one who utterly transcends time.
Ultimately, we are gradually hammered into a state of total acceptance. Like a submissive slave, who lacks a will of his own, when the command comes from life, we accept it. When life takes something away, we accept it. When life brings something unexpected, we accept it. When life pushes us in an unexpected direction, we accept it.
In my own life, whenever I have been set to create some kind of security and comfort for myself, either it has been snatched away, or my will to make it happen has just miraculously dissolved and disappeared. Somehow, I have learned to live with this situation. And learning to live with this situation has made me into a being who has very little attachment to whatever his present circumstances happen to be. I have learnt to look for security and comfort only within my own being—within my own silence and equanimity.
It has not been easy. It has been like walking on fire. It is still like walking on fire. Perhaps the only difference now is that I have stopped fearing the fire the so much.
External Sources:
Annamalai Swami:
David Godman, Living By The Words of Bhagavan
David Godman, Annamalai Swami: Final Talks
Lord Dattatreya:
Upcoming Book – Shri Datta Mahatmya: The Life and Teachings of Lord Dattatreya
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Mohanji: